BUT...what now?

     I am writing this post because I never want to forget how I feel at this moment in time.  On Monday, my daily life will be changing into something different than I've known for a while now.  I will be starting training for yet another new school (this will be my 4th) in yet another new location and this time for a new position!  I probably could teacher the new teacher training seminar at this point.  I've always said that middle school was the one place I would never go, but it's like they say, "never say never" because that's exactly where I'm going.  I'll be teaching a 6th, 7th, and 8th grade music appreciation class, as well as directing a 7th and 8th grade chorus.  Although I know the attitudes and puberty changes will be trying at times, I am very excited about the musical possibilities that aren't always there in elementary school.  BUT, Where does this leave Eli?

                                                                         
     Well, on Monday, Eli will be starting daycare.  I honestly think that this will be good for him.  I LOVE my son more than anything, but he is very dependent on me and very attached to me and although I know that some separation anxiety is normal, he's got it pretty bad.  BUT, look at our situation : Kevin and I live in Florida, alone, and so all Eli knows is his mom & dad because we don't do date nights and get babysitters unless the grandparents are in town.  Eli will be in a super small class (he'll be 1 of 4 kids) in a Christian setting and 2 of the other babies are around his age.  He loves playing with the kids that I nanny so I think it will be good for him to babble, scoot, and drool with the other little ones as well.  The daycare is only about 5 minutes from our house and the people we have spoken with and met are very friendly.  BUT, what about mommy?

                                                                     
     As excited as I am about being a teacher again, my heart is breaking.  Since we moved here I have been out of the working world and for the past almost 9 months I have been a mama to the most wonderful child God could have ever chosen to give us.  I have seen every milestone, wiped every tear, heard every giggle and learned what every sound that he makes means.  I am so thankful for the past 9 months and realize that most moms would give anything to have that time instead of 6-12 weeks, but that doesn't make this any easier for me right now.  Will Eli think I abandoned him on Monday when he wants to nap and he's crying for me and I'm not there?  Will he sleep a wink or cry until he makes himself sick?  I know all moms who've had to leave their baby have experienced this so I know I will make it and children bounce back quicker than we give them credit for and Eli will adapt a lot quicker than I will, but come Monday, the changes will be a reality.  As long as Eli knows that mommy is doing this to make his life and future better, than I can sleep ok.  BUT, you best believe one thing...come Monday night, Eli will be squeezed a little tighter, held a little longer and maybe even kept up a little later so that he KNOWS that his mommy and daddy love him to the moon and back.  Mommy & daddy may even be fighting over Eli time once he's picked up.  BUT, we thank GOD everytime we look at our son because we know how precious this little life is and what a gift children really are. We love you Eli!

I love our little family and can't wait to watch it grow!