While I wait.

I used to blog all of the time, well some of the time, especially when I only had one child...and I stayed at home.  Ok, so it's been a while since I've been an avid blogger, but I love the thought of it.  Several of my friends have blogs and I love reading the thoughts that occur in their minds.  There is something so refreshing about reading what people REALLY think or feel.  Not like a Facebook post where everything is somewhat sugar coated or if it's not - then people aren't sure how to act.  But in a blog - people are free to share their thoughts...after all, if people don't like it, they just hit that little x out and POOF! the blog is gone.

With all of that said, I have had the most interesting half a year and it is blog worthy.  Why?  Not because I have accomplished some things, not to sound confident, but to talk about the unknown and what I've learned and to remember the passion and goals I have right now, in this very moment.

My journey began in 2016 -- October -- and a dear friend mentioned, "Have you ever thought about going into administration?" I said yes - it was a goal of mine, but we didn't have the money for me to go back to school right now, I had two little kids and didn't want to take away time from them to accomplish my dreams, etc.  This dear friend said, "WAIT! Stop talking..." and she proceeded to tell me about an opportunity that would take care of all of the obstacles in the way of my goal.  I listened, I got excited and here I went to start the process.  I was going to apply for the North Carolina Principal Fellow Program.  It was a long shot, but the worst thing I could have been told was, "You are not what we are looking for..."

It's now January 15th, everything has been submitted and I wait.  I ask for grace while I wait.  I didn't tell many people what was going on mainly because fear set in.  "What if I don't get it? How embarrassing! Would people say good--I couldn't see her doing that or would they be excited?" So I waited...

March -- it comes.  I drove to the end of the driveway with my kids to leave the house, check the mail, and it was there!  The BIG yellow envelope from University of North Carolina Systems... (This same dear friend who had told me about this opportunity also jokingly told me..."If it's a big envelope, you're in.  If it's little, you're not.  They need the big envelope to send you all of the information.")  Guess what? She was right!

I got it!  Little ole me...I got it!  I was so excited and so scared and so everything, I cried! But that was just the beginning.  While all of my teacher friends started a new school year and fixed bulletin boards, set up classrooms and learned about their new students, I bought a backpack and notebooks.  I tried to find good writing pens and remember what it was like to be a student.  I told teachers and parents as they asked that I wouldn't be returning to the same school next year.  I was going to be a mom and a full-time grad student at East Carolina University.

When the news got out, I had so many different reactions from people.  I still do!  Phrases such as:, 

"I'm so excited for you. You'll do great with that."

"What in the world are you thinking? Why do you want to be an administrator?"

"We sure will miss your smiling face."

"Good luck! It's a lot of work."

"Aww, you're gonna have so much more time with your kids. Precious."
"What is it you're exactly doing?"

And so forth, and so on...

I know it's a lot of background, but what a half of year.  I have been challenged.  Challenges I have been faced with to think about what I stand for and believe in.  What am I willing to take a stand on and not back down on personally in order to be successful as a leader in education?  Challenged because I've had to learn that people will talk.  They will always talk.  If you do all of your work and stay ahead of the game, they will talk.  If you miss an assignment regardless of the reason, they will talk.  If people don't think what you are doing is as hard or important as someone else, they will talk.  If people think because you have two days off of school and you are doing work instead of keeping your kids home from daycare, they will talk.  You can be perfect and guess what...they still will talk.  We are all guilty of it to some degree, but some lessons are harder to learn than others.

I've had to find myself again.  I was Lyndsey, the testing coordinator - or Lyndsey, the music teacher, or Lyndsey - the one with many hats...but I've never just been "Lyndsey," at least for a long time.  While everyone else was getting ready for school and some dreading it, I was missing it.  What was I supposed to do?  I was missing the teaching and the children - I LOVE what I do.  I was missing helping teachers, because the past couple years that's what I tried to do.  Did I always? No...but I sure tried as I was learning myself.  I had to miss the socialization of seeing people and having conversations on a daily basis (even if it was on car duty or passing in the hallway.)  I had to introduce myself to a new group of people - and wait to see if they liked me or not.  I had to try and be me, but hope to not be judged.  I had to find my study habits again and schedule and see what worked and what didn't.  It was a new time in my life - a different time than I think I'll ever have again.  I also had (for the first time in a long time) time for me.  I had to make it, but I did!  Now was my chance to try and make a healthy lifestyle and work out.  Now was a time I could do daily devotions and make sure that I was being the mom and wife that God intended me to be.  

I have been blessed.  My husband has stepped in and picked up the kids or taken the kids on days I couldn't.  He's let me lock myself in a bedroom if I needed to read or study.  He's gone to the kids daycare party if I couldn't because of a meeting.  He's had the kids overnight several times because I got a job with ECU as a graduate assistant where I have had to travel.  It's been once in a lifetime experiences and he's just gone along with it - no questions asked (well maybe some, but they were easy ones.)  My kids - they are so precious and excited that mommy's going to school too!  I do all of my stuff during the day so that I don't miss hardly any time with them at all, but kids just love so easily.  I have met an amazing group of women in the Principal Fellow Program.  There are six that I see frequently and friendships have been formed there to last a lifetime.  I have also met some instant friends at meetings once a month in Chapel Hill.  I've even been blessed enough to be in contact again with a teacher whom I taught with in Florida.  I have been blessed completely with this opportunity.  To be able to be an active mom to my children, an active wife to my husband, a full-time grad student where my schooling is paid for and to also receive a salary...BLESSED is the only word that comes to mind.

I have been tested in my faith. This year full of opportunities and blessings also takes me out of my comfort zone.  It takes me out of the school that I loved, the job that I loved and then places me back in somewhere that I don't have control over.  I have to trust that God's plan is what will be followed.  I have to trust that wherever I'm placed and whoever I'm with will guide me and teach me.  I want this.  I have a passion for this and I could not be more excited to see what it's store.
                                          

Welcome to Spring Semester!