What is perfection?

I have NO idea what perfection is, but it surely isn't me.  The closest way to sum it up for me is in these pictures:

 

Kevin and I were sitting around having a discussion about when we first got together and he said, "Babe - you've come a long way" in which of course I replied, "You too my love."

Although our conversation was all in fun, it was also the truth and this has been consuming my mind lately.  These two sleeping children have no idea how sweet and innocent and pure they are right now.  The worst they've done is say "No" to mommy, scream when they get really upset, or get in time-out for school (which usually their teachers say are for minor things).  

As they get older, choices get harder and we can't keep them in a bubble.  Even now, I hear conversations they have with older kids and it bothers me.  I want my four old year to think STUPID is a bad word for a very long time. And although it's used all around us, all of the time, I want him to know it sounds mean and would hurt someone's feelings.  I want him to learn the difference in how saying "Shut up" and "please be quiet" makes someone feel.  I want to always hear that he uses his manners when he's away from me and isn't embarrassed to show that he has a heart of gold .  (I'm mainly referring to Eli because he's my oldest one and we are experiencing all these first together as he grows up before my eyes.)  

But as much as we want for them, we are ever changing too.  I also want him and Evy to see how happily married Kevin and I are and understand why it's that way.  Marriage is work and life is work.  Putting Christ in your relationship can bring blessings that you didn't even know you missed.  (Just to set the record straight - Kevin and I have been Christians for a long time, but there is a HUGE difference in attending church and REALLY giving 100% effort to put Christ first in all things being done.)  Life is full of choices and decisions and then rewards or consequences to follow.  I'm 31, happily married to my best friend and the most wonderful person I've ever known, and have two beautiful children (who are four and two).  BUT, it is just now that I feel like I am finding parts of myself that I have been missing for years.

Our family has finally found a church family - one that we feel like we belong to and one that makes us want to strive to be more Christ-like.  Our kids love it, I love it and my husband loves it.  I look forward to Sundays and being braver about praying in front of people and being specific in prayer.  Sure, Kevin and I pray with our kids before bedtime, but we could do better.  I want to do better about being encouraging, and positive and uplifting.  I truly empathize with people when they go through something difficult.  If they cry, I'm crying because my heart breaks for them.  If I'm going through something, I try to put myself in someone else's shoes so that I keep myself grounded.  Feeling sorry for yourself doesn't ever help, it just makes you drown faster. BUT - there are many times in the past, maybe because we've moved so much and had so many different circles of friends, that I tended to be a hermit and only be consumed with things that pertained to my immediate family.  NOW - I want to help others, I want to give back. I want to show I care and instead of just saying, "I can't imagine what you're going through," ask people, "How can I help you?" 

 I say all of this because maybe you need encouragement, or maybe you need to work on you because you aren't sure what perfection is too.  So I leave this post with several scriptures and quotes that have really hit home for me lately...and I challenge you (if anyone is even reading this) to choose one thing you know you can do better, and really give 100% and work on it.  With all of the craziness in the outside world that I can't control for my kids, the LEAST I can do, is continue to strive for a better me (wife, mother and person) everyday.  Maybe they will always remember that and the world won't seem like such a harsh place as they continue to age and make their own choices.

              

and last but certainly not least...

The unexpected Wednesday.

               

 

  

Wednesday, July 20th, started out like any other day.  I woke up with my sweet yorkie, Muffin, pawing my shoulder saying she needed to go outside.  The kids were stirring around and so I rushed to let her out in the yard, went to give the kids their medicine (they have sinus infections) and then started putting cinnamon rolls in the oven.

After a few minutes, I realized I hadn't seen her...Muffin is always back at the door within a couple of minutes pawing or barking to get back in, but she wasn't.  I started to look for her around the yard, but the kids needed me so I came back in. I got the kids settled, turned the timer off in a hurry and went back outside.  I looked for what seemed like forever...I yelled, I whistled, I offered treats and a ride in the car, but I couldn't hear the dangling little charm on her collar anywhere.  I started to panic... and without the details, rightfully so it turns out.

As I fell apart about my best friend of 9 years, millions of things ran through my mind.  How was I going to tell my kids? Did I have to go back inside without her?  What do I do? I've never dealt with this before. The main thing was, "This is my fault. I should have looked sooner."

Some people say, "It's just a dog. It's a pet. How can you be THIS upset over a dog?"  They've obviously never had a close pet.





So I hope this helps anyone understand ...For 9 YEARS, this sweet dog I got as a puppy :

• Woke me up every morning by pawing my shoulder to let me know she needed to go outside.
• Slept curled up right behind my back or legs every single night in my bed.
• Followed me around, like a shadow, EVERYWHERE in my house...the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom, the kids rooms, the playroom.
• Everywhere I sat - she sat...right beside me, so she could be touching me.
• She was spoiled rotten and wanted to lay on a blanket or a pillow because she wanted to be comfy.
• She loved to play ball and fetch with the loudest squeaky toys ever, especially while I was folding laundry for some reason.

            

• She would destroy any toy you got her in less than a minute, especially if it had that white, cotton stuffing. But this ONE blue, LOUD elephant lasted...for years.
• She rode with me in the car if I was coming right back and would put her mouth right in front of the air vent.  After she did that, she'd lay down in my lap and sleep the rest of the way.

                                                                       

• She barked if she heard any car in the driveway and gave me a good 2 minutes heads up.
• She loved to play with Kevin and if he pretended to put his hands on me and I would say OUCH OUCH, she would growl at him like she was going to eat his hand off.  She really wouldn't, but she sure thought she was protecting me.
• She made me feel safe while Kevin traveled for work.
• Before Kevin, she was my sanity.  She was my safe place during one of the most difficult times of my life. She would lay right beside me if I ever got upset crying and would come up to my face and try to lick my tears.  She had this look that if I didn't know better, I'd say she got from me... She'd tilt her head to one side and stare at you like "Really?" 
• She layed with my kids, both of them, and slept beside them while they were babies.

   

• She tolerated them trying to ride her, and trying to rub her (but pulling her hair instead), and being in her face to kiss her or just talk to her.
• She would sit at the kids or adults feet while we ate. She would never bother you, just sit and watch.  BUT, if you ever left your plate, she'd grab your food faster than you could get whatever you needed and sit back down. She was a sneaky, but polite dog.
• She loved my parents and it was a given, that for whatever reason, anyone in the world could wear socks in the house EXCEPT for my dad. She would nip and bite at his toes until he took them off. That will always be a mystery to us.  
• She made my mom and Kevin's mom fall in love with her enough that they both let her inside their house. 
• She made my sister-in-law tolerate her and the first time she met her, she screamed when Muffin was around.
• She made everyone fall in love with her because she was the sweetest, most loving dog I've ever been around.  There wasn't a mean bone in her body.  The worst thing she'd ever do is lick you to death.
• And last but not least, everyday when I came home, she would turn one complete circle in her crate, and start picking up and putting down her paws.  When me or one of the kids opened the crate, she would fly out running as fast as she can into the living room and then come straight back to jump up on your legs and get rubbed. If you came in and sat down, she'd run all across your lap hoping you'd rub her back right in front of her tail (which was wagging a million miles a minute).
• ...And with Kevin...I always said they had their own little language... When kevin got home it's later in the evening, and muffin would be sitting with me, so she would growl this little growl, and then when she would see it was him she would RRRRRR like a mini wolf howling at the moon.  Kevin would do it back as high pitched as he could, and then Muffin was good.  She'd wait for Kevin to pet her and all was right in the world.

I col could go on & on forever, but the point of this is for people to see...she wasn't just a dog. She's like a family member who is there for every minute of every day and she's gone in an instant.  Our whole routine, everything we know is changed.  There are questions and comments by a four and a two year old constantly that are hard to explain and make me want to cry.

 

To end this, I want to say one more thing...although a piece of my heart left with my fur baby, I'm not out of reality enough to still be thankful.  Wednesday was an unexpected day, with bad news that changed our lives - BUT I have a loving, wonderful husband and two beautiful, happy, healthy children.  People wake up everyday and lose family members, and although losing our pet is like losing a child...it wasn't a child.

We are very blessed and one day, when the kids are a little older and I can have another dog without missing Muffin so bad, we will pick one out as a family.  I don't want a replacement, I want to be able to love another dog as much as I loved her. Even though you lose pets eventually - they are worth it. Until then, rest easy my sweet Muffin...I promise you will be thought of daily. We love you.

Lots of... Mine

Today is short and sweet.  I love the ages my kids are right now.  I wish (sometimes) I could freeze time right where they are.  Now don't get me wrong...there are lots of :

• moments of crying
• moments of explaining things in kid terms
• moments of "I had that first"
• moments of "That's mine"
• moments of me saying things nicely 3 times and then losing my cool
• moments of "why?"
• moments of sitting down just to realize someone needs a cup of milk, or a snack or  a blanket or whatever else is on their mind
• moments of "man, it just got quiet. That's so nice they are playing together" and then you check on them and they are into something they shouldn't be OR you've ruined the nice time playing together and now they follow you
• moments of "it is SO much work to go anywhere because you have to pack up the car"

BUT then there are lots of moments where I stare at them and think:

• How did I get so lucky?
• How did I end up with two beautiful, healthy, happy children?
• Why was I so blessed when so many people struggle?
• How can a person love someone else so much it hurts?
• Moments when tears fill my eyes at the thought of anything ever happening to them.
• Moments of things said by them that are so sweet and innocent that I hate the thought of them being corrupted by people and the world.
• Moments where I get so angry because people say things around them that I don't want to have to explain or worry about them copying it. (I want to keep them innocent as long as I can).
• Moments where they get praying hands and sing the dinner song in the sweetest voices ever that you can't help but smile.
• Moments where they love each other so much and are so close they get sad when the other child isn't here.

TWhenever I say to someone I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old, people respond with "Oh my, you're busy!"  The truth is...Yes, I am...and I have lots of "moments"...but the truth is...these moments are MINE, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

July 4th Memories Made? Yes, but WARNING - long post ahead.

Traveling always begins with car rides...well our traveling does, because we literally pack everything but the kitchen sink to take with us.  The car rides - to and from Georgia - roughly about 6.5 hours, with a 4 year old and a 2 year old.  You can imagine how those went right?  Sigh.  

JUST KIDDING.  Maybe it was the prayers, maybe it was the DVD player and the new movies that I was smart enough to get out of the $5 bin, but something totally worked and the kids were AWESOME!    

Eli & Evy kept asking where Muffin was, but thanks to my dear friend, Gela, I knew Muffin was safe and loved and I didn't have to worry about her being alone or locked up in a kennel!  The kids thought I had given her away and Eli's reaction was "Oh no, but I'd miss her?"  Evy's reaction was, "Do they love her? If they do, they can have her!" 

 The kids were so excited to get there.  We had to wait in the lobby a little while, but Eli was entertained with the many escalators and elevators.  He kept saying, "oh my goodness mama, we've never stayed in a hotel before," (even though he just doesn't remember) or "Oh my goodness, this room even has a bathroom!"  

It's the little things really...and trust me they explored every inch of this room. He doesn't quite get it that if this room didn't have a bathroom, we might have serious problems. 

Friday night was something more magical to Kevin  than taking our kids to Disney will ever be ... an Atlanta Braves game.  Technically, Eli went with us when he was 10 months old  - but it consisted of him sweating while he slept in our laps, giving us occasional smiles when he was in the seats and then TONS of bouncing, walking and pushing in the stroller up by the food.  It was exhausting, but he sure was cute!

But this love for the Braves didn't start with his first game.  It's ALWAYS been a love of Kevin's and finding out he was having a son made this dream come true for him - being able to pass these memories on.

This time was a much different experience and although it was hot and exhausting, it was sweet and special. Eli & Evy kept hugging each other, staring at the field and saying, "Can you believe it? We're watching the Braves?"

Kevin was in heaven, and I was falling in love with him all over again watching the twinkle in his eye explain how special this was to our kids.  This was something Kevin and his dad grew up doing, year after year, and even now it's their "Special place."  We're so thankful Mrs. Marlene and Mr. Wayne could go with us and experience this first special memory that is so near to their hearts!

The kids did great and made some special memories, but it was so extremely hot that the kids were soaked in sweat, and so were we...so Mrs. Marlene and I decided to take them back after the sixth inning.  It was getting late and we had a lot of stuff to do the next day.

On Saturday, because this special tradition did begin with the men, Mrs. Marlene and I took the kids to the mall, and hung out around the hotel (which excited the kids) while the guys got to spend the day together in their last game at Turner Field.

 Sunday, we took the kids to the indoor/outdoor pool, swam for a little while and then got ready for our next adventure - Stone Mountain!  Here are the kids in their July 4th outfits. 

The kids had a blast, but if we thought the Braves game was hot, boy were we wrong!  We aren't really in the stroller stages anymore - both of my kids want to be independent.  Well one of them at least - so here we are walking around this huge place (me with Evy on my hip - she ONLY wanted me) and Eli is running around saying "I'm tired of walking."  When you are in 100 degree weather, carrying a toddler on your hip - you see juuussstttt how out of shape you are.  Regardless, the day consisted of seeing fun things, playing in some place called the Barn (which you would think had animals, but it had all kind of fun slides, rope courses and balls.)  It was a great break from the heat.  The kids both LOVE trains, and now they've added a cute little show for the train to stop and see.

We started getting frustrated around dinner time because everything had a wait - BUT God looked out for us.  While we were eating our later dinner in an air conditioned place, the bottom fell out of the sky and SOAKED everyone in the park, except us.  When we walked out of the restaurant the rain had slowed up enough for us to get to the car and everyone else looked like they had been on a water ride - except the didn't want to be on it.  They were DRENCHED and looked miserable!  I'm so, so , so thankful for the 40 minute wait to eat and that it kept our family dry.

To sum it all up, one word comes to mind : PERFECT.  Did the kids get tired and crazy sometimes? Yes.  Did we get frustrated at all or tired? Yes.  Was it everything we hoped for and were once - in - a - lifetime memories made that can never be replaced? Yes.

Lots of wishes were made...

Precious time was given to us for one night, because we fall in love again everytime we go to Atlanta...

...and memories to last a lifetime were created.

July 4th memories made? CHECK.